She knows she's deceiving herself about that, but she prefers to deceive herself. She desperately needs to believe such pure joy is still possible.
In "The Year of the Flood" by Margaret Atwood, the protagonist is aware of the self-deception she engages in regarding her feelings and hopes. This acknowledgment reflects her inner conflict as she grapples with the harsh realities of her situation while yearning for a sense of happiness that seems unattainable. Her awareness of the deception suggests a deeper struggle with denial and acceptance.
Despite knowing the truth, she clings to her illusions because they provide her with comfort and the possibility of joy. This desire for belief in a brighter future highlights the human tendency to seek solace in hopeful fantasies, even when confronted with doubt. Ultimately, her longing for pure joy reveals the fragility of hope in a world that can be harsh and unforgiving.
