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Author: David D. Burns
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  1. David D. Burns _ Ten Days to Self-Esteem

    Characteristics of Healthy, Constructive Anger Characteristics of Unhealthy, Destructive Anger 1. You express your feelings in a tactful way. 1. You deny your feelings and pout {passive aggression} or lash out and attack the other person {active aggression}. 2. You try to see the world through the other person's eyes, even if you disagree. 2. You argue defensively and insist there's no validity in what the other person is saying. 3. You convey a spirit of respect for the other person, even though you may feel quite angry with him or her. 3. You believe the other person is despicable and deserving of punishment. You appear condescending or disrespectful. 4. You do something productive and try to solve the problem. 4. You give up and see yourself as a helpless victim. 5. You try to learn from the situation so you will be wiser in the future. 5. You don't learn anything new. You feel that your view of the situation is absolutely valid. 6. You eventually let go of the anger and feel happy again. 6. Your anger becomes addictive. You won't let go of it. 7. You examine your own behavior to see how you may have contributed to the problem. 7. You blame the other person and see yourself as an innocent victim. 8. You believe that you and the other person both have valid ideas and feelings that deserve to be understood. 8. You insist that you are entirely right and the other person is entirely wrong. You feel convinced that truth and justice are on your side. 9. Your commitment to the other person increases. Your goal is to feel closer to him or her. 9. You avoid or reject the other person. You write him or her off. 10. You look for a solution where you can both win and nobody has to lose. 10. You feel like you're in a battle or a competition. If one person wins, you feel that the other one will be a loser. Now that you've examined sadness and anger, I'd like you to compare healthy fear with neurotic anxiety. What are some of the differences? Think about the kinds of events that might bring on these feelings, how long the feelings last, whether the thoughts are realistic or distorted, and so forth. See if you can think of five differences, and list them here. The answer to this exercise is on page 88. Try to come up with your own ideas before you look. Characteristics of Healthy Fear Characteristics of Neurotic Anxiety 1. 1. 2. 2. 3. 3. 4. 4. 5. 5. Similarly, healthy remorse is not the same as neurotic guilt. What are some of the differences? List them here. Characteristics of Healthy Remorse Characteristics of
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  2. David D. Burns _ Feeling Good Together: The

    Pride and Shame. Intimacy requires humility and the willingness to examine your own failures in your relationships. This can be painful because feelings of shame get in the way, especially when we care about the person who's criticizing us and we sense that her criticisms are true. We don't want to hear it. So instead of listening and acknowledging the truth in the criticism, we put up a wall and get defensive. We tell ourselves that the other person doesn't know what she is talking about. Of course, this annoys the other person, and she intensifies her attack. What might have been a golden opportunity for intimacy simply becomes an endless battle of egos.
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  3. David D. Burns _ Feeling Good: The New Mood

    In my experience the most crucial predictor of recovery is a persistent willingness to exert some effort to help yourself. Given this attitude, you will succeed.
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  4. David D. Burns

    The perception of unfairness or injustice is the ultimate cause of most, if not all, anger..

  5. David D. Burns _ Feeling Good: The New Mood

    If the comments are wrong, there is really nothing for you to be upset about. On the other hand, if the criticism is accurate, there is still no reason for you to feel overwhelmed. You're not expected to be perfect.
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  6. David D. Burns _ Feeling Good: The New Mood

    Every time you feel depressed about something, try to identify a corresponding negative thought you had just prior to and during the depression. Because these thoughts have actually created your bad mood, by learning to restructure them, you can change your mood.
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  7. David D. Burns _ When Panic Attacks: The New,

    First, you'd discover that the monster was not real. You'd realize that it was just an illusion that you never had anything to fear in the first place. You'd see that the monster had no teeth. This would be an incredible triumph.
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  8. David D. Burns _ When Panic Attacks: The New,

    You'd probably start laughing because you'd realize that your fears had been the result of a gigantic cosmic joke that had persisted throughout all of your previous reincarnations.
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  9. David D. Burns _ When Panic Attacks: The New,

    When you confront the monster you fear the most, you'll defeat your fears.
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  10. David D. Burns _ Feeling Good: The New Mood

    Absolutes do not exist in this universe. If you try to force your experiences into absolute categories, you will be constantly depressed because your perceptions will not conform to reality. You will set yourself up for discrediting yourself endlessly because whatever you do will never measure up to your exaggerated expectations. The technical name for this type of perceptual error is "dichotomous thinking." You see everything as black or white-shades of gray do not exist.
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  11. David D. Burns _ When Panic Attacks: The New,

    For example, if you feel sad or depressed, you're probably telling yourself that you've lost someone you love or something important to your sense of self-esteem. If you feel guilty or ashamed, you're telling yourself that you're bad or that you've violated your own personal values. If
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  12. David D. Burns _ When Panic Attacks: The New,

    Chronic Worrying. You constantly worry about your family, health, career, or finances. Your stomach churns, and it seems as if something bad is about to happen, but you can't figure out exactly what the problem is. • Fears and Phobias. You may be afraid of needles, blood, heights, elevators, driving, flying, water, spiders, snakes, dogs, storms, bridges, or getting trapped in closed spaces. • Performance Anxiety. You freeze up whenever you have to take a test, perform in front of other people, or compete in an athletic event."
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