Author: Eoin Colfer
Quotes of Author: Eoin Colfer
No1 stared into his captor's eyes. 'I said, I want to talk to Qweffor.' Abbot heard him that time, because the voice wasn't No1's. It was a voice of pure magic, layered with undeniable power. Abbot blinked. 'I'll… eh… see if he's in.' It was too late for compliance: No1 wasn't about to rein in his power now. He sent a magical probe into Abbot's brain via the horns. The horns glowed bright blue and then began shedding large brittle flakes. 'Careful with the horns,' said Abbot blearily, then his eyes rolled back in his head. 'The ladies love the horns.' No1 rooted round in Abbot's head for a while until he found Qweffor sleeping in a dark corner, in a place scientists would call the limbic system. The problem, realized No1, is that there is only room in every head for one consciousness. Abbot needs to go somewhere else. And so, with this instinctive knowledge and absolutely no expertise, No1 fed Qweffor's consciousness until it expanded, occupying the entire brain. It was not a perfect fit, and poor Qweffor would suffer from twitches and sudden loss of bowel control at public functions, a syndrome which would become known as Abbot's Revenge. But at least he was in control of a body, most of the time. After several years and three hearings, fairy warlocks would manage to rehouse Abbot's consciousness in a lower life form. A guinea pig, to be precise. The guinea pig's own consciousness was soon subjugated by Abbot's. Warlock interns would often amuse themselves by throwing tiny swords into the pig's pen, and crack up watching the little piggy trying to pick them up. book-quoteGuide Note: Remembering is generally a two-stage process involving dialogue between the conscious and subconscious parts of the brain. The subconscious opens proceedings by throwing up the relevant memory, an act which releases a spurt of self-congratulatory endorphins. Well done, matey, says the conscious. That memory is really useful right now, and I couldn't remember where I'd put it. You and me, pal, says the subconscious, delighted to have its contribution acknowledged for once, we're in this together. Then the conscious reviews the memory in its in-tray and sends a message down to the sphincter telling it to prepare for the worst. Why did you remind me of this? the conscious rails against the subconscious. This is awful. Terrible. I didn't want to remember this. Why the Zark do you think I shoved it to the back of my brain? That's the last time I help you out, the subconscious mutters and retreats to the darker sections of itself where nasty thoughts are housed. I don't need you, it tells itself. I can make myself another personality out of these things you've discarded. And so the seeds of schizophrenia are sown with kernels of childhood bullying, neglect, low self-esteem, and prejudice. book-quote
