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Book: Assholes Finish First
Quotes of Book: Assholes Finish First
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  1. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    5:15 I have never put makeup on. It's hard. "You assholes are crowding my mirror space. Gimme some room, I keep smearing my blush." Everyone's glares at me. I feel like a gay homosexual.
    book-quote

  2. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    I prefer to keep fooling myself, at least for a little while longer.
    book-quote

  3. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    credit, youre jewish, your best friend is black, and your girlfriend is a cheating whore. Even if I wore gay, I'd still have it better than you.
    book-quote

  4. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    FUCK. This is not good. I'm allergic to whiskey. I think maybe I should explain this to her, and request a different alcohol. Then I remember that I am awesome. Even fighting through anaphylactic shock, I can STILL bury this emotionally unstable, bulimic undergrad.
    book-quote

  5. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.
    book-quote

  6. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    I wish I could bottle the seductive look she gave me so I could sniff it when I jack off.
    book-quote

  7. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    His first question shows how well he knows me: TheRoommate: "Did you take any money out of her purse?
    book-quote

  8. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    5:16 I shotgun two beers, piss out the bedroom window, catcall passing girls, burp violently, put cage fighting on tv, play with myself. I feel manly again.
    book-quote

  9. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.
    book-quote

  10. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.
    book-quote

  11. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    One of us needs to get laid.""Just one of us?""What are the odds of both of us getting laid?
    book-quote

  12. Tucker Max _ Assholes Finish First

    ... If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.
    book-quotegod
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