According to Robert Bly, poet and author of Iron John, for a boy to become a man...

According to Robert Bly, poet and author of Iron John, for a boy to become a man he must be taught by older men who have an interest in the boy.2 A boy needs a mentor-it could be his father, uncle, neighbor, teacher, or close friend. A true mentor is not only interested in teaching the boy the ways of men, he is also interested in the boy's "soul." Many silent sons lacked a father who was capable of being a mentor. Their souls have never had a chance to be heard. Can you remember who taught you how to handle your emotions? Who taught you how to handle pain? Most silent sons cannot remember being taught these things. Perhaps this is because they cannot remember having a mentor. In most dysfunctional families the father is either in great pain himself or preoccupied with trying to survive someone else's pain, such as his wife's or children's. For example, when a mother is dysfunctional, it also affects how a father performs his roles. Even in those cases where silent sons state that their fathers were there for them, the family usually remained emotionally isolated from other families. In other cases where the sons had healthy relationships with their fathers, most boys still covered up what was happening in their families and were not likely to share their emotional needs with older men. I could not point to any need in childhood as strong as that of a father's protection. SIGMUND FREUD

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