BURNS: I couldn't tell you what a sine, cosine, or tangent is if my life...

BURNS: I couldn't tell you what a sine, cosine, or tangent is if my life depended on it! And remember those word problems they used to torment us with: if one train leaves New York for Boston at 11 a.m. going 75 miles an hour, and another train leaves New York for Boston at 11:30 going 100 miles an hour, at what time will the operator of the first train text his wife that he left his lunch bag on the kitchen counter?
PLATO: I do not understand the question.
BURNS: Wow! I stumped Plato! Anyone?
ZEE: At no time, since it's illegal for an operator to text while he's operating a train! "