Growing up in a troubled or dysfunctional family, we learn to avoid conflict whenever possible. When conflict occurs, we learn mostly to withdraw from it in some way. Occasionally, we become aggressive, and try to overpower those with whom we are in conflict. When these techniques fail, we may become devious, and attempt to manipulate. In a dysfunctional environment, these methods may help assure our survival. But they do not tend to work in a healthy intimate relationship. Recovery itself-healing our Child Within-is built on discovering conflict after conflict and then working through each. But the fear and other painful feelings that come up as we get closer to the conflict may be too much for us to experience. Rather than face the pain and the conflict head-on, we may revert to our prior methods. These may include, "I can do it on my own." A problem is that doing it on our own has not always worked well for us.
( Charles L. Whitfield )
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