I'm fine, Sierra. Really."
"No, you're not fine. Brit, I'm your best friend. I'll be here before and after your boyfriends. So spill your guts. I'm all ears."
"I loved him."
"No shit, Sherlock. Tell me something I don't know."
"He used me. He had sex with me to win a bet. And I love him. Sierra, I pathetic."
"You had sex and didn't tell me? I mean, I thought it was a rumor. You know, of the untrue kind."
I lean my head in my hands in frustration.
"I'm just kidding. I don't even want to know. Okay, I do, but only if you want to tell me," Sierra says. "Forget about that now. I saw the way Alex always looked at you, Brit. That's why I laid off you for liking him. There was no way he was acting. I don't know who told you about a supposed bet--"
I look up. "He did. And his friends confirmed it. Why can't I let him go?"
Sierra shakes her head, as if erasing the words I've said. "First things first." She grabs my chin and forces me to look at her. "Alex had feelings for you, whether he admitted it to you or not, whether there was a bet or not. You know that, Brit, or you wouldn't be clutching those hand warmers like that. Second of all, Alex is out of your life and you owe it to yourself, to his goofy friend Paco, and to me to keep plugging along even if it's not easy."
"I can't help but think he pushed me away on purpose. If I could only talk to him, I can get answers."
"Maybe he doesn't have the answers. That's why he left. If he wants to give up on life, to ignore what's right in front of him, so be it. But you show him that you're stronger than that." Sierra is right. For the first time I feel I can make it through the rest of senior year. Alex took a piece of my heart that night we made love, and he'll forever hold it. But that doesn't mean my life has to be on hold indefinitely. I can't run after ghosts.
I'm stronger now. At least, I hope I am.
"No, you're not fine. Brit, I'm your best friend. I'll be here before and after your boyfriends. So spill your guts. I'm all ears."
"I loved him."
"No shit, Sherlock. Tell me something I don't know."
"He used me. He had sex with me to win a bet. And I love him. Sierra, I pathetic."
"You had sex and didn't tell me? I mean, I thought it was a rumor. You know, of the untrue kind."
I lean my head in my hands in frustration.
"I'm just kidding. I don't even want to know. Okay, I do, but only if you want to tell me," Sierra says. "Forget about that now. I saw the way Alex always looked at you, Brit. That's why I laid off you for liking him. There was no way he was acting. I don't know who told you about a supposed bet--"
I look up. "He did. And his friends confirmed it. Why can't I let him go?"
Sierra shakes her head, as if erasing the words I've said. "First things first." She grabs my chin and forces me to look at her. "Alex had feelings for you, whether he admitted it to you or not, whether there was a bet or not. You know that, Brit, or you wouldn't be clutching those hand warmers like that. Second of all, Alex is out of your life and you owe it to yourself, to his goofy friend Paco, and to me to keep plugging along even if it's not easy."
"I can't help but think he pushed me away on purpose. If I could only talk to him, I can get answers."
"Maybe he doesn't have the answers. That's why he left. If he wants to give up on life, to ignore what's right in front of him, so be it. But you show him that you're stronger than that." Sierra is right. For the first time I feel I can make it through the rest of senior year. Alex took a piece of my heart that night we made love, and he'll forever hold it. But that doesn't mean my life has to be on hold indefinitely. I can't run after ghosts.
I'm stronger now. At least, I hope I am.
( Simone Elkeles )
[ Perfect Chemistry ]
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