I told you I had feelings for my wife," he said softly. "I did. Affection....

I told you I had feelings for my wife," he said softly. "I did. Affection. Familiarity. Loyalty. We had known each other all her life; our fathers had been friends; I had known her brother. She might well have been my sister." "And was she satisfied with that-to be your sister?" He gave me a glance somewhere between anger and interest. "You cannot be at all a comfortable woman to live with." He shut his mouth, but couldn't leave it there. He shrugged impatiently. "Yes, I believe she was satisfied with the life she led. She never said that she was not." I didn't reply to this, though I exhaled rather strongly through my nose. He shrugged uncomfortably, and scratched his collarbone. "I was an adequate husband to her," he said defensively. "That we had no children of our own-that was not my-" "I really don't want to hear about it!" "Oh, don't you?" His voice was still low, not to wake Ian, but it had lost the smooth modulations of diplomacy; the anger was rough in it. "You asked me why I came; you questioned my motives; you accused me of jealousy. Perhaps you don't want to know, because if you did, you could not keep thinking of me as you choose to." "And how the hell do you know what I choose to think of you?" His mouth twisted in an expression that might have been a sneer on a less handsome face. "Don't I?" I looked him full in the face for a minute, not troubling to hide anything at all. "You did mention jealousy," he said quietly, after a moment. "So I did. So did you." He turned his head away, but continued after a moment. "When I heard that Isobel was dead … it meant nothing to me. We had lived together for years, though we had not seen each other for nearly two years. We shared a bed; we shared a life, I thought. I should have cared. But I didn't." He took a deep breath; I saw the bedclothes stir as he settled himself. "You mentioned generosity. It wasn't that. I came to see … whether I can still feel," he said. His head was still turned away, staring at the hide-covered window, grown dark with the night. "Whether it is my own feelings that have died, or only Isobel." "Only Isobel?" I echoed. He lay quite still for a moment, facing away. "I can still feel shame, at least," he said, very softly.

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