When he was three years old Jackie ran into the house crying. I asked, "What's happened? What's wrong?"
He showed me his bleeding hand - the palm of his hand had been scraped.
"How did you do that? It isn't bad! Did you hurt it on something dirty?" I patted the blood away with a tissue. He stopped crying; he pressed against me with his wet face.
My husband said, coming into the kitchen, "Let's see what happened -"
He took Jackie's hand and stared down at it. Jackie's hand was very small in his; his own hand was not clean. He had been working on the lawn mower. "Should this be washed out or what?" he said, looking at me. "You think there's some germs in it?"
"I'd better wash it out."
I turned on the hot water.
"Maybe it should be sterilised. It should be washed out good," my husband said slowly. He stared down at Jackie's hand and for a few seconds he was silent. He loved Jackie very much; he was always afraid of Jackie getting hit by a car. Now Jackie tried to get away from him, uneasy. My husband looked strange, as if the sight of blood frightened him.
"I can wash it out. I'll put a bandage on it," I said.
He paid no attention to me. Instead, he turned on one of the electric burners of the stove, still holding Jackie's hand. "If it was something rusty... if it was some dirt, some filth, he could get very sick," my husband said. "The germs should be all killed."
"What? What are you going to do?"
"I know what to do," he said irritably, vaguely.
"All it needs is a bandage...."
Jackie began to cry, afraid of his father. He tried to get away. "Goddam it, hold still! You want to get lockjaw or something? Why is this kid always crying?" He pulled Jackie to the stove and before I could stop him he pressed his palm down onto the burner - Jackie screamed, kicked, broke away - it was all over in a second.
"You're crazy! You burned him!" I cried.
My husband stared at me. Jackie was screaming, gasping for breath, he had backed away against the kitchen table. His screams rose higher and higher. My husband stared at him and at me, very pale.
"You're crazy!" I shouted at him.
I ran cold water for Jackie to stick his hand under. The burn was not bad - the stove hadn't been hot enough.
"I didn't mean to hurt him," my husband said slowly, "I... I don't know what...."
"Putting his hand on the stove! God, you must be crazy!"
There was something pulsating in me, a bright, thrilling nerve - I wanted to laugh in my husband's face, I wanted to claw at him, I wanted to gather Jackie up in my arms and run out of the house with him! I hated my husband and I was glad that he had made such a stupid mistake. I was glad he had burned Jackie and that Jackie was crying in my arms, pressing against me, terrified of his father.
"I don't know what I was thinking off," he said. His voice was vague and slow and surprised. "I didn't mean...I'm sorry...."
"Don't scare him anymore!"
"I'm sorry. I must be going crazy...."
"Where did you ever get such an idea?"
He rubbed his hands violently across his face, across his eyes.
"Jesus, I must be going crazy," he said.
"You're just lucky the stove wasn't hot."
Jackie kept crying, frightened. I took him into the bathroom and put a bandage on the cut - only a small scratch - no real burn at all.
He showed me his bleeding hand - the palm of his hand had been scraped.
"How did you do that? It isn't bad! Did you hurt it on something dirty?" I patted the blood away with a tissue. He stopped crying; he pressed against me with his wet face.
My husband said, coming into the kitchen, "Let's see what happened -"
He took Jackie's hand and stared down at it. Jackie's hand was very small in his; his own hand was not clean. He had been working on the lawn mower. "Should this be washed out or what?" he said, looking at me. "You think there's some germs in it?"
"I'd better wash it out."
I turned on the hot water.
"Maybe it should be sterilised. It should be washed out good," my husband said slowly. He stared down at Jackie's hand and for a few seconds he was silent. He loved Jackie very much; he was always afraid of Jackie getting hit by a car. Now Jackie tried to get away from him, uneasy. My husband looked strange, as if the sight of blood frightened him.
"I can wash it out. I'll put a bandage on it," I said.
He paid no attention to me. Instead, he turned on one of the electric burners of the stove, still holding Jackie's hand. "If it was something rusty... if it was some dirt, some filth, he could get very sick," my husband said. "The germs should be all killed."
"What? What are you going to do?"
"I know what to do," he said irritably, vaguely.
"All it needs is a bandage...."
Jackie began to cry, afraid of his father. He tried to get away. "Goddam it, hold still! You want to get lockjaw or something? Why is this kid always crying?" He pulled Jackie to the stove and before I could stop him he pressed his palm down onto the burner - Jackie screamed, kicked, broke away - it was all over in a second.
"You're crazy! You burned him!" I cried.
My husband stared at me. Jackie was screaming, gasping for breath, he had backed away against the kitchen table. His screams rose higher and higher. My husband stared at him and at me, very pale.
"You're crazy!" I shouted at him.
I ran cold water for Jackie to stick his hand under. The burn was not bad - the stove hadn't been hot enough.
"I didn't mean to hurt him," my husband said slowly, "I... I don't know what...."
"Putting his hand on the stove! God, you must be crazy!"
There was something pulsating in me, a bright, thrilling nerve - I wanted to laugh in my husband's face, I wanted to claw at him, I wanted to gather Jackie up in my arms and run out of the house with him! I hated my husband and I was glad that he had made such a stupid mistake. I was glad he had burned Jackie and that Jackie was crying in my arms, pressing against me, terrified of his father.
"I don't know what I was thinking off," he said. His voice was vague and slow and surprised. "I didn't mean...I'm sorry...."
"Don't scare him anymore!"
"I'm sorry. I must be going crazy...."
"Where did you ever get such an idea?"
He rubbed his hands violently across his face, across his eyes.
"Jesus, I must be going crazy," he said.
"You're just lucky the stove wasn't hot."
Jackie kept crying, frightened. I took him into the bathroom and put a bandage on the cut - only a small scratch - no real burn at all.
( Joyce Carol Oates )
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