He knew very well that his memory was his adherence, and she did nothing other than slandering him, and therefore he lost an effort to give her credibility and becomes more tolerant of his life. But without a result, he did not feel any pleasure looking back and was doing it with the least possible.
The protagonist recognizes that his memories are tied to his sense of self, yet he feels she, presumably a significant figure in his life, continually undermines his perception of reality. This realization leads him to relinquish attempts to validate her slanderous views, gradually adopting a more accepting attitude towards his life, despite the emotional toll it takes on him.
Ultimately, his reflections on the past become burdensome rather than enjoyable. He engages with these memories reluctantly, seeking to minimize the pain associated with revisiting them, demonstrating a complex relationship with nostalgia and the impact it has on his present state of mind.
