And then I thought that people like to talk about their pain and loneliness but in disguised ways. Or in ways that are sort of organized but not really. I realized that when I try to start conversations with people, just strangers on the street or in the grocery store, they think I'm exposing my pain or loneliness in the wrong way and they get nervous. But then I saw the impromptu choir repeating the line about everyone having holes in their lives, and so beautifully, so gently and with such acceptance and even joy, just acknowledging it, and I realized that there are ways to do it, just not the ones that I'd been trying.
In Miriam Toews’ book All My Puny Sorrows, a character reflects on how people often talk about their pain and loneliness, but in indirect or organized ways. The character notices that attempts to start conversations about these feelings are often misunderstood or make others uncomfortable, as if exposing too much.
However, the character is touched by an impromptu choir that repeats a line about everyone having holes in their lives, expressing it with acceptance and even joy. This leads to the realization that there are better ways to acknowledge pain—ways that are genuine and gentle, not confrontational or distressing, which can foster understanding and shared humanity.
