But there is one person who expected the unexpected from me and the only time I noticed disappointment on his face was when I cowered like a sheep. And I had to take a moment to figure out I'm not ashamed of him. It's him who should be ashamed of me. I've put Razor in an unfair position. He introduced me to his world. Welcomed me with open arms. Made me feel like I belonged and I've asked him to keep a secret when doing so is killing him. And I told him that we would be over...I did the exact thing to him that Clara did to me and that's not okay. No part of it is okay.
The narrator reflects on their relationship with Razor, a person who has shown unwavering support and acceptance. The narrator recognizes that their actions have placed Razor in a difficult situation, highlighting a moment of self-awareness where they assess their own behavior and the betrayal involved in keeping secrets. This realization brings about feelings of guilt and concern for how their decisions impact Razor, who has treated them with kindness and openness.
The narrator expresses a deep sense of regret for mirroring a past hurtful experience that they endured with Clara. They acknowledge the unfairness of their actions and the emotional turmoil caused by their request for secrecy, which goes against Razor's interests. The internal conflict leads them to understand that rather than feeling ashamed of Razor’s disappointment, it is actually they who should bear the shame for having acted in a way that undermines the trust and bond they share.
