I done me best when I was let. Thinking always if I go all goes. A hundred cares, a tithe of troubles and is there one who understands me? One in a thousand of years of the nights? All me life I have been lived among them but now they are becoming lothed to me. And I am lothing their little warm tricks. And lothing their mean cosy turns. And all the greedy gushes out through their small souls. And all the lazy leaks down over their brash bodies. How small it's all! And me letting on to meself always. And lilting on all the time.
In this passage from James Joyce's "Finnegans Wake," the speaker reflects on their struggles and the feeling of being misunderstood. They express a sense of isolation, suggesting that despite their efforts and dedication, there is an overwhelming sense of disappointment and disconnect from others. The speaker has lived among their peers, yet they now feel a growing resentment towards their trivial behaviors and superficial interactions.
The speaker grapples with their own feelings of frustration and self-deception, highlighting the futility of trying to maintain an upbeat facade amid overwhelming challenges. They perceive the people around them as engaged in shallow pursuits, leading to a sense of weariness. This internal conflict reveals a deep yearning for understanding and authenticity, revealing the tension between personal longing and the banality of everyday life.
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