Later on, when I tried to imagine how I might have ruined things, that would occur to me - that I'd so rarely resisted, that I hadn't made it hard enough for him. Maybe it was like gathering your strength and hurling your body against a door you believe to be locked, and then the door opens easily - it wasn't locked at all - and you're standing looking into the room, trying to remember what it was you thought you wanted.
The narrator reflects on their past actions and decisions, questioning if their lack of resistance contributed to the deterioration of a relationship. They ponder the idea that they did not challenge their partner enough, suggesting a sense of resignation or submission. This thought leads them to analyze their own feelings of strength and vulnerability in the situation.
Imagining the act of trying to force open a door that turns out to be unlocked symbolizes the unexpected discovery of their desires. The moment of entering the room reflects their confusion about what they truly wanted from the relationship, highlighting a theme of self-exploration and the complexity of human emotions in connections with others.
