Lirael almost apologized, but she held it back. She did feel sorry for Nick. It wasn't his fault he had been chosen by an ancient spirit of evil to be its avatar. She even felt sort of maternal to him. He needed to be tucked in bed and fed willow-bark tea. That thought led to the idle speculation of what he might look like if he were well. He could be quite handsome, Lirael thought, and then instantly banished the notion. He might be an unwitting enemy, but he was still an enemy.
Lirael felt sympathy for Nick, recognizing that his being chosen by an evil spirit was not his fault. She felt a protective, almost maternal, instinct towards him, wishing she could care for him like a child by feeding him herbal tea and tucking him in. This softened her view of him, though she still saw him as an enemy due to his connection to dark forces.
While contemplating Nick's appearance if he were healthy, Lirael briefly wondered if he might be handsome, but she quickly dismissed the thought, reaffirming her stance that he was still an enemy. Despite her feelings of compassion, she knew she couldn't forget his role as the avatar of evil and had to maintain her resolve.
