Merciless song, you leave me with my lone, nonconvertible, unmetamorphic body: I'm one-time-only to the marrow of my bones. Four A.M. The hour between night and day. The hour between toss and turn. The hour of thirty-year-olds. The hour swept clean for roosters' crowing. The hour when the earth takes back its warm embrace. The hour of cool drafts from extinguished stars. The hour of do-we-vanish-too-without-a-trace. Empty hour. Hollow. Vain. Rock bottom of all the other hours. No one feels fine at four a.m. If ants feel fine at four a.m., we're happy for the ants. And let five a.m. come if we've got to go on living.

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The quote reflects a deep sense of despair and the loneliness felt at the early hours of the morning, particularly at 4 A.M. It conveys the feeling of being trapped in a body that is both nonconvertible and unchanging, emphasizing a profound sense of individuality and isolation. The hour is described as a transitional period, where the night ends and the day begins, creating a moment of self-reflection that many thirty-year-olds might relate to. The mention of roosters crowing symbolizes the inevitability of daybreak, highlighting the struggle against the endless cycle of existence.

Furthermore, this hour is characterized as empty and hollow, representing a low point in the day where one may question their existence and whether they leave any trace behind. The speaker acknowledges the loneliness of this time, contrasting it with the contentment of ants, perhaps symbolizing the simplicity of life’s smaller creatures. Ultimately, there is a yearning for the arrival of 5 A.M., suggesting a desire for continuity and the hope for a renewed purpose in living, even amidst the heavy emotions experienced in the darkest hour.

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February 27, 2025

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