The narrator expresses a deep internal conflict and confusion as they grapple with their circumstances. They oscillate between understanding their situation and feeling bewildered by it. This struggle highlights the complexity of their emotions, where they feel both justified and remorseful about their actions. This duality creates a sense of turmoil within, indicating that they are caught in a cycle of conflicting thoughts.

Additionally, the narrator experiences a desire to express their feelings, yet they restrain themselves from doing so. This feeling of wanting to scream suggests a build-up of frustration and pain that remains unvoiced. Their reflection captures the ambivalence of regret and acceptance, presenting a nuanced perspective on their choices and the implications of those choices on their identity.