Of course, now I wonder where I had gotten the idea that for you to participate in a gathering, the other people had to really, really want you to be there and that anything short of rabid enthusiasm on their part meant you'd be a nuisance. Where had I gotten the idea that being a nuisance was that big a deal? Sometimes now I think of all the opportunities I didn't take - to get a manicure in town, to watch television in another dorm, to go outside for a snowball fight - and of how refusal became a habit for me, and then I felt it would be conspicuous if I ever did join in.
The quote reflects the inner thoughts of a character who grapples with feelings of self-doubt and the pressure of social acceptance. The character wonders why she believed that her presence was only welcome if others were exceedingly enthusiastic about it. This belief led her to shy away from various social opportunities, fearing that she might be seen as an unwelcome presence rather than someone who could contribute positively to the gathering.
This introspection highlights how such misconceptions can inhibit one's ability to engage with others and enjoy life. The character realizes that her habit of refusal stemmed from an unfounded fear of being a nuisance, which ultimately prevented her from experiencing joy and connection with peers, reinforcing the idea that self-imposed barriers can hinder personal growth and social interaction.
