On the way home from school we go to the record store... {Cordelia} expects me to roll my eyes in ecstasy, the way she does; she expects me to groan. She knows the rituals, she knows how we're supposed to be behaving, now that we're in high school. But I think these things are impenetrable and fraudulent, and I can't do them without feeling I'm acting.
The narrator describes a routine trip to the record store after school with her friend Cordelia. Cordelia is excited and fully engaged in the experience, anticipating a shared enthusiasm as they browse through music. However, the narrator feels disconnected from this expectation, unable to genuinely express excitement or pleasure like her friend. She perceives the social norms and rituals of adolescence as superficial and untrue, causing her to struggle with how to react.
This internal conflict highlights the narrator's sense of authenticity versus the pressures of conforming to teenage behaviors. As she grapples with the expectations placed upon her by both her friend and the broader societal context, she recognizes that she feels like an actor playing a part rather than fully participating in the experience. This feeling of alienation is a poignant reflection on the complexities of adolescent identity and the challenge of authenticity in social situations.
