Once, when I was younger, I thought I could be someone else. I'd move to Casablanca, open a bar, and I'd meet Ingrid Bergman. Or more realistically - whether actually more realistic or not - I'd tune in on a better life, something more suited to my true self. Toward that end, I had to undergo training. I read The Greening of America, and I saw Easy Rider three times. But like a boat with a twisted rudder, I kept coming back to the same place. I wasn't anywhere. I was myself, waiting on the shore for me to return.
In this passage, the narrator reflects on a youthful desire to escape their reality and become someone else. They fantasize about moving to Casablanca, running a bar, and encountering the iconic actress Ingrid Bergman. This longing for a different life, perhaps closer to their true self, leads them to seek training and enlightenment through various cultural influences such as books and films.
However, despite these attempts at transformation, the narrator feels stuck, comparing their situation to a boat with a misaligned rudder that keeps drifting back to its original point. Ultimately, they recognize that they are still just themselves, waiting for the moment when they might truly return to their authentic identity, suggesting a struggle with self-acceptance and the search for meaning.
