She wanted to leave, she wanted to lie alone face down on her bed and savor the vile piquancy of the moment, and go back down the lines of branching consequences to the point before the destruction began. She needed to contemplate with eyes closed the full richness of what she had lost, what she had given away, and to anticipate the new regime.
The character experiences a deep desire to escape her current reality, yearning to retreat to her bed and reflect on the pain she feels. This longing highlights her need to process the events that have led to her emotional turmoil, suggesting that she seeks closure and understanding of her circumstances. By wishing to lie face down, she symbolizes a wish to hide from the chaos around her.
Simultaneously, she grapples with the weight of her past decisions, contemplating the losses she has suffered as a result of these choices. The phrase "the branching consequences" implies that her actions have created a complex web of repercussions that she must now face. As she envisions the impending changes in her life, she is caught between the sorrow of what has been lost and the uncertainty of what lies ahead.
