Subhash was angry with himself for going along with it. For still needing to prove he could. He was sick of the fear that always rose up in him: that he would cease to exist, and that he and Udayan would cease to be brothers, were Subhash to resist him.
Subhash grappled with feelings of anger and self-doubt, recognizing his inner conflict over the decisions he made. He found himself constantly trying to validate his choices and prove his worth, which left him feeling exhausted. This struggle was compounded by a deep-seated fear of losing his identity and the bond he shared with his brother Udayan, should he choose to oppose him.
The tension between loyalty and individuality weighed heavily on Subhash. He was caught in a cycle of fear that threatened his existence and the essence of his relationship with Udayan. This internal battle highlighted the complexities of familial ties and the challenges of self-assertion within them, revealing Subhash's desire for connection while also yearning for autonomy.
