The narrator expresses a sense of immaturity and confusion at thirty years old, feeling like a child who constantly seeks reassurance from others. Despite their age, they still look for guidance and support, feeling isolated in their uncertainty while observing that others seem to move confidently through life.
This introspection leads them to question why they feel like the only one grappling with fears about their decisions and future. Through observing those who appear assured, they contemplate the possibility of emulating their confidence to find direction and assurance in their life.