The narrator reflects on their past feelings towards certain boys, expressing confusion about these emotions. They realize that their interest wasn't romantic, but rather a desire to engage and perform in a social setting. They wanted to be playful and mischievous, to interact with peers and authority figures in a bold manner.

This realization highlights a longing for confidence and a carefree high-school experience. The narrator's wish to embody a cocky, self-assured persona underscores a deeper desire for acceptance and belonging during formative years. They yearn for the freedom to joke around and enjoy life without the anxieties that often accompany adolescence.