When I read, I could forget. I could be anywhere in the world except in the eighth grade, lonely and holding tightly to my secret. I often say that reading and writing saved my life. I mean that quite literally. At home, I tried to be the good girl my parents thought me to be, but it was exhausting. On so many occasions, I wanted to tell them something was wrong, that I was dying inside, but I couldn't find the words. I couldn't find a way to overcome my fear of what they might say and do and think of me. The longer I stayed silent, the more that fear grew until it dwarfed everything else.
In Roxane Gay's memoir "Hunger," she reflects on the solace she found in reading, which allowed her to escape her feelings of loneliness and anxiety during difficult times, particularly in middle school. Reading became a form of refuge for her, letting her experience different worlds while she struggled with her own painful reality.
Gay describes the internal conflict of wanting to be the ideal daughter her parents expected while grappling with deep emotional turmoil. Despite her desire to express her feelings, fear of their potential reaction silenced her. This fear grew over time, overshadowing her life as she remained trapped in her silence, highlighting the struggle many face between personal identity and external expectations.
