In "The Gravedigger's Daughter," Joyce Carol Oates explores the emotional fortitude required to withstand hardship, as exemplified by the narrator's decision to distance herself from her American roots. The acknowledgment of having to harden her heart reveals the inner struggle between vulnerability and the necessity of self-protection in the face of suffering. Oates critiques the notion that suffering inherently sanctifies individuals, suggesting instead that it can also lead to isolation and disconnection.

The narrator reflects on the feeling of being unimportant in the eyes of others, particularly in her relationship with an "American cousin." This sentiment of purposelessness adds depth to her struggle, indicating a broader theme of searching for meaning amid turmoil. Through this personal account, Oates illuminates the complexities of identity, survival, and the often painful process of confronting one's past.