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Book: SantaLand Diaries
Quotes of Book: SantaLand Diaries
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  1. David Sedaris _ SantaLand Diaries

    Missing a nose. With these children Santa has to be careful not to ask, "And what would you like for Christmas?
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  2. David Sedaris _ SantaLand Diaries

    Good girl, Rachel. Now, let's get the hell out of here. Your mother has a headache that won't quit until you're twenty-one
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  3. David Sedaris _ SantaLand Diaries

    Today a child told Santa Ken that he wanted his dead father back and a complete set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Everyone wants those Turtles.
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  4. David Sedaris _ SantaLand Diaries

    Standing in a two-hour line makes people worry that they're not living in a democratic nation. People stand in line for two houres and they go over the edge.
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  5. David Sedaris _ SantaLand Diaries

    She was at a cash register, screaming at a customer. She was, in fact, calling this customer a bitch. I touched her arm and said, "I have to go now." She laid her hand on my shoulder, squeezed it gently, and continued her conversation, saying, "Don't tell the store president I called you a bitch. Tell him I called you a fucking bitch, because that's exactly what you are. Now get out of my sight before I do something we both regret.
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