Humorous - Dual-Language Quotes That Speak to the Heart

Elsa's joke Where do baby apes sleep? In apricots! — Jacqueline Wilson

It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned...

She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.

Meaning 'by way of the anus'. 'Per Annum', with two n's, means 'yearly'. The correct answer to the question, 'What is the birthrate per anum?' is zero {one hopes}.

Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses.

...I'll tell you something else too; by the time we're through we shall have had all we can stand of this North woman. I wouldn't mind betting she thinks we have nothing better to do than run around...

The Lord turned water into wine. All I'm suggesting is a trip to the grocery store.

This is the sixty-nine, I told him, presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my fingers -- two of them -- on the action, so that he would not overlook it. Why is it dubbed sixty-nine? he asked,...

You always do good ones. We trust you, Mr. Duke," Says Dylan. Foolish lads, thinks Felix: never trust a professional ham."

They were even talking about buying a bodyguard, can you believe it? I mean, what on earth would I look like, turning up with a bodyguard? Actually, I'd look pretty cool and mysterious, wouldn't I?...

I need you to get inside Wayne's head. I need someone who thinks a bit left field and in your own unpleasant way, Helen Walsh, you're a genius.He had a point. I'm lazy and illogical. I've limited...

Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four.

Do you know why Satan is so angry all the time? Because whenever he works a particularly clever bit of mischief God uses it to serve his own Rigteous purposes.So God uses wicked people as his...

The lieutenant's fooling around again with the telegraph girl at the station, said the corporal, after he had gone. He's been running after her for a fortnight and he's always frightfully furious when...

The Germans had a word for everything-a word that could be very focused, very specific, because it could be constructed for a precise set of circumstances. They even had a word, it was said, for the...

Today Birthdays

1975 - Teju Cole 1965 - Simon Sebag Montefiore 1941 - James P. Hogan 1880 - Helen Keller 1850 - Lafcadio Hearn 1884 - Gaston Bachelard 1953 - Alice McDermott 1966 - J. J. Abrams 1996 - Lauren Jauregui 1980 - Kevin Pietersen 1975 - Tobey Maguire 1955 - Isabelle Adjani 1959 - Jeff Miller 1999 - Chandler Riggs 1976 - Wagner Moura 1987 - Ed Westwick

The Red Lion was a four-ale bar with a handful of lowbrowed sons of toil who looked as though they...

What could you do? Major Major asked himself again. What could you do with a man who looked you...

If I turned towards books, it was because they were the only sanctuary I knew, one I needed in order...

We all had to pay, but not for the crimes we were accused of. There were other scores to settle.

Hope for some means its loss for others; when the hopeless regain some hope, those in power--the...

It isn't even good grammar. What the hell does it mean when they disappear somebody?

Why are they going to disappear him? I don't know. It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good...

Havermeyer was a lead bombardier who never missed. Yossarian was a lead bombardier who had been...

Read me back the last line. 'Read me back the last line,' read back the corporal who could take...

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