The Mad Gardener's SongHe thought he saw an Elephant, That practised on a...

The Mad Gardener's Song
He thought he saw an Elephant, That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was A letter from his wife.
'At length I realise,' he said, 'The bitterness of Life!'
He thought he saw a Buffalo Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was His Sister's Husband's Niece.
'Unless you leave this house,' he said, 'I'll send for the Police!'
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake That questioned him in Greek:
He looked again, and found it was The Middle of Next Week.
'The one thing I regret,' he said, 'Is that it cannot speak!'
He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk Descending from the bus:
He looked again, and found it was A Hippopotamus.
'If this should stay to dine,' he said, 'There won't be much for us!'
He thought he saw a Kangaroo That worked a coffee-mill:
He looked again, and found it was A Vegetable-Pill.
'Were I to swallow this,' he said, 'I should be very ill!'
He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four That stood beside his bed:
He looked again, and found it was A Bear without a Head.
'Poor thing,' he said, 'poor silly thing! It's waiting to be fed!'
He thought he saw an Albatross That fluttered round the lamp:
He looked again, and found it was A Penny-Postage Stamp.
'You'd best be getting home,' he said: 'The nights are very damp!'
He thought he saw a Garden-Door That opened with a key:
He looked again, and found it was A Double Rule of Three:
'And all its mystery,' he said, 'Is clear as day to me!'
He thought he saw a Argument That proved he was the Pope:
He looked again, and found it was A Bar of Mottled Soap.
'A fact so dread,' he faintly said, 'Extinguishes all hope!