The sound of her anguish broke his heart; no way could he let her go, no matter what she said about being alone. This crying made her weeping over baby Chloe look like a mere rehearsal. She was wracked. She started to crumble to the ground and he put his arms under hers and held her upright as the rain soaked them. "Oh God, oh God, oh God," she howled. "Oh God, oh God, oh God!" "Okay," he whispered. "Let it go, let it out." "Why, why, why?" she cried in the night, her breath coming in jagged gasps. Her whole body jerked and shook as she cried. "Oh, God, why?" "Let it all out," he whispered, his lips against her wet hair. She screamed. She opened up her mouth, tipped her head back against him and screamed at the top of her lungs. He hoped she wouldn't wake the dead, the sound was so powerful. But he only hoped she wasn't heard so that no one would disturb them and stop this purging. He wanted to do this with her. He wanted to be there for her. The scream subsided into hard sobbing. Then more quietly, "Oh, God, I can't. I can't, I can't." "It's okay, baby," he whispered. "I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you." Her legs didn't seem to hold her up anymore; he was keeping her upright. He had the passing thought that no amount of emotion he had ever expelled in his lifetime could match this. It was almost phenomenal in its strength, this pain that gripped her. What had he thought? That his few days of brooding, a good drunk, had been demonstrative of his pain? Ha! He held in his arms a woman who knew more about gut-wrenching pain than he did. His eyes stung. He kissed her cheek. "Let it go," he whispered. "Get it out. It's okay." It was a long time before she began to cry more softly. Fifteen minutes, maybe. Twenty. Jack knew you don't stop something like this until it's over. Till it's all bled out. They were both soaked to the skin when her breath started coming in little gasps and hiccups. It was a long time before she pushed herself away from the tree and turned toward him. She looked up at his rain soaked face, hers twisted with pain, and said, "I loved him so much." He touched her wet cheek, unable to tell the tears from the rain. "I know," he said. "It was so unfair." "It was." "How do I live with it?" "I don't know," he answered honestly. She let her head drop against his chest. "God, it hurt so much." "I know," he said again.
( Robyn Carr )
[ Virgin River ]
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