There's a joke I heard years ago, about an Irishman who ends up on a desert island with Claudia Schiffer, after a plane crash. There's just the two of them, sitting on the sand. After a few days of this, she moves closer to him. 'Do you wish to ride me, Dermot?' she says. 'Jesus, Claudia,' he says. 'Like – are you sure?' 'Yes,' she says. 'We will be here for quite some time, I think. And the days are quite long – yes?' So, they start riding. All day. And Claudia falls hopelessly in love with him. This goes on for months until one day, the Irishman stands up and moves down the beach a bit and sits by himself. Claudia gets up and follows him. 'Dermot?' she says. 'Is something the matter?' 'Ah, sure,' he says. 'I'm just a bit down in the dumps.' 'Is there something I can do to help?' she asks him. 'Well,' he says. 'This might sound mad. But would you mind if I called you Des?' She looks at him, then says, 'Alright. I will permit this.' 'Great,' he says. 'Brilliant, thanks.' He's holding a piece of charcoal that he found on the beach. He shows it to Claudia and he says, 'And, like – would you mind if I drew a moustache on you?' And she looks at him again, and says, 'Alright, Dermot. This, too, I will permit.' 'Ah, great – thanks.' He draws a rough moustache on her, then stands back. Then he grabs her shoulders, shakes her, and says, 'Des! Des! You won't believe who I've been riding for the last three months!
( Roddy Doyle )
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