Again I take a taxi to Clichy address, but feel that I do not want to go on loving Henry more actively than he loves me {having realized that nobody will ever love me in that overabundant, overexpressive, overthoughtful, overhuman way I love people}, and so I will wait for him. So I ask taxi driver to drop me at the Galeries Lafayette, where I begin to look for a new hat and to shop for Christmas. Pride? I don't know. A kind of wise retreat. I need people too much. So I bury my gigantic defect, my overflow of love, under trivialities, like a child. I amuse myself with a new hat.
In this passage, the narrator reflects on their feelings for Henry, realizing that their love is not reciprocated in the same intense way. They recognize that pursuing him more actively would be futile, so they choose to take a step back, opting to wait instead. Rather than dwelling on heartache, the narrator decides to visit the Galeries Lafayette to shop for Christmas and look for a new hat, signaling a shift towards self-care and distraction.
This decision represents a wise retreat from emotional longing, as the narrator acknowledges their dependence on love from others. By engaging in trivial activities like hat shopping, they bury their overwhelming capacity for love beneath lighter pursuits, displaying a blend of childlike innocence and necessary self-protection amidst complex feelings.
