Allowing anyone, even Mairelon, not only to come close to her, but to circle her waist with his arms brought back old fears, though she had to admit that the sensation was pleasurable on those rare occasions when she could relax enough to enjoy it.
The passage reflects a character's internal struggle with intimacy, as she grapples with her fears while allowing someone, including Mairelon, to get close to her. The act of being embraced evokes memories of past traumas, indicating that she's wary about forming emotional connections. Despite these fears, she acknowledges that there are moments when she can let her guard down and find joy in the sensation of his arms around her.
This duality highlights the complexity of her feelings, revealing how vulnerability can trigger both anxiety and pleasure. The character's admission of enjoyment during these fleeting instances shows her desire to overcome her fears and experience companionship, even while navigating the tension between safety and connection.
