And once again I am I will not say alone, no, that's not like me, but, how shall I say, I don't know, restored to myself, no, I never left myself, free, yes, I don't know what that means but it's the word I mean to use, free to do what, to do nothing, to know, but what, the laws of the mind perhaps, of my mind, that for example water rises in proportion as it drowns you and that you would do better, at least no worse, to obliterate texts than to blacken margins, to fill in the holes of words till all is blank and flat and the whole ghastly business looks like what it is, senseless, speechless, issueless misery.
The excerpt reflects the narrator's introspective journey, contemplating feelings of solitude and a sense of personal freedom. They express a complex relationship with their own mind and existence, suggesting an oscillation between awareness and a desire for emptiness. This internal conflict hints at the struggle between action and inaction, as well as the futility of trying to impose meaning on a seemingly indifferent reality.
Through the metaphor of water, the narrator illustrates the overwhelming nature of thoughts and emotions that can engulf one's consciousness. The idea of "obliterating texts" symbolizes a rejection of societal expectations and the burdens of communication, hinting that total erasure might be more appealing than the relentless pursuit of meaning in a world deemed "senseless." This passage captures the essence of Beckett's existential themes, where the search for clarity often leads to deeper confusion.
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