But even though I was with my father again, I never felt really secure deep down. I don't know how to put it exactly, but things were never really settled inside me. I always had this feeling like, I don't know, like somebody was putting something over on me, like my real father had disappeared forever and, to fill the gap, some other guy was sent to me in his shape.
The narrator expresses a profound sense of insecurity despite being reunited with his father. This feeling lingers deeply within him, suggesting an emotional unrest that he struggles to articulate. He feels as though his true father has vanished, leaving behind an impostor who merely resembles him, contributing to his inner turmoil.
This unsettling perception creates a chasm between the narrator and the paternal figure present in his life. The sense of something being amiss indicates that the bond with this father is not genuine, and the unresolved feelings hint at a deeper longing for connection and authenticity that remains unfulfilled.