But how could he admire Joyce's lengthy, libidinal 'yes' so fervently and end up saying 'no' to his own life? I suppose that a lifetime spent hiding one's erotic truth could have a cumulative renunciatory effect. Sexual shame is in itself a kind of death.
This quote poignantly explores the tragic conflict between one's admiration for unabashed authenticity and the painful denial of one's own truth. The reference to Joyce's "lengthy, libidinal 'yes'" symbolizes a full-hearted embrace of life and desire, contrasting starkly with the individual's eventual refusal to acknowledge their own erotic identity. It highlights the psychological and emotional toll that secrecy and repression can exact over a lifetime. The idea that hiding "one's erotic truth" leads to a "cumulative renunciatory effect" implies that self-denial and shame are not isolated moments but build up and weigh heavily upon the individual. The phrase "Sexual shame is in itself a kind of death" is particularly powerful — it suggests that shame around one's sexuality can extinguish a part of the self, leading to a life that is diminished, limited, or perhaps unlived. This resonates deeply in a societal context where many people still face stigma and internal conflict regarding their sexual identities, making it a reflective meditation on acceptance, vulnerability, and the cost of living inauthentically. The quote captures the essence of battles many endure in reconciling who they admire for their truthfulness with the harsh realities of their own choices, revealing both the admiration for freedom and the sorrow for restraint.