The quote reflects the internal struggle of the speaker, who deeply desires to engage in serious living and creativity. However, with each new endeavor, the effort leads to confusion and a sense of losing control. This highlights a conflict between aspiration and the overwhelming challenges that come with it.

The mention of running to a shadow suggests a retreat into one's inner self or possibly toward something elusive. It evokes a sense of despair in attempting to find solace in creation, echoing Beckett’s themes of existential struggle in "Malone Dies." Thus, the speaker conveys a poignant message about the burden of artistic pursuit and the search for meaning amidst chaos.