Seriously, I struggled to be more serious, to live and create. But when every new attempt, I lose my mind, run to my shadow as the individual escapes to the temple.
The quote reflects the internal struggle of the speaker, who deeply desires to engage in serious living and creativity. However, with each new endeavor, the effort leads to confusion and a sense of losing control. This highlights a conflict between aspiration and the overwhelming challenges that come with it.
The mention of running to a shadow suggests a retreat into one's inner self or possibly toward something elusive. It evokes a sense of despair in attempting to find solace in creation, echoing Beckett’s themes of existential struggle in "Malone Dies." Thus, the speaker conveys a poignant message about the burden of artistic pursuit and the search for meaning amidst chaos.
