…did it make a difference if the remark never got back to the person about whom it was made? She thought not. The harm is done when the words are uttered: that is the act of belittlement, the act of diminishing the other, and it is that act which would cause pain to the victim. You said that about me? The wrong was located in the making of the cruel remark, rather than in the pain it might later cause.
by Alexander McCall Smith
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In the exploration of interpersonal relationships, the author reflects on the nature of belittling remarks and their impact. It is suggested that the true harm occurs at the moment the words are spoken, rather than in their potential aftermath or the possibility of them being shared with the subject. This perspective emphasizes that the initial act of making a cruel comment is the root of the suffering inflicted, independent of whether the target is aware of it.

The essence of the argument lies in recognizing that the emotional damage stems from the act of diminishing another person through words. This recognition shifts the focus from the consequences of a remark to the responsibility of the speaker in uttering it. In doing so, it highlights the importance of being mindful of our words, as they can carry significant weight and lead to unnecessary pain for others, regardless of their awareness of the comment.

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January 23, 2025

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