The quote reflects a deep sense of despair and betrayal regarding one's belief in a divine presence that protects individuals from repeated suffering. The speaker was convinced that God exists to shield people from enduring the same horrific experiences multiple times. However, they are forced to confront a painful reality that shatters this belief, leading to a profound sense of hopelessness and confusion.

The admission of having "become my own nightmare" illustrates a loss of self-control and an internal struggle with their own actions and choices. The conflict between the desire for safety and the experience of personal failure adds to the emotional turmoil, highlighting the complexity of human nature and the unexpected turns in life's journey.