I'd experienced joy, but not nearly enough, could there be enough? The end of suffering does not justify the suffering, and so there is no end to suffering, what a mess I am, I thought, what a fool, how foolish and narrow, how worthless, how pinched and pathetic, how helpless.
The narrator reflects on the nature of joy and suffering, questioning whether one can truly experience enough joy in life. They ponder the idea that the cessation of suffering does not make the suffering worthwhile, leading to a profound sense of despair and confusion about their own worth. This self-reflection reveals feelings of inadequacy and helplessness, as the narrator grapples with their emotional state and the complexities of joy and pain.
This introspection serves as a commentary on the human experience, highlighting how deep suffering can overshadow moments of happiness. The narrator's feelings of foolishness and worthlessness illustrate a struggle to reconcile the highs and lows of life, ultimately suggesting that despite the pain, the pursuit of joy remains an integral part of existence.
