I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.
The narrator expresses a deep sense of isolation and despair, choosing to confine herself in her darkened bedroom, retreating from the world. She feels overwhelmed by her negative emotions, which wash over her like a slow-moving wave. This state signifies not just sadness, but an internal struggle with feelings of guilt and worthlessness. She believes that her current suffering stems from her own actions, suggesting a profound self-blame.
In her contemplation, she recognizes a profound inadequacy and a belief that she lacks value, asserting that she might as well be dead. This stark sentiment illustrates her mental state, where the depths of her despair lead her to question her very existence. It highlights the severe impact of her perceived failings, leaving her trapped in a cycle of negativity and self-doubt.
