I felt deeply betrayed that the man I depended on as friend, protector, and lover intended to do such a thing to me. And my sense of self-preservation was quietly terrified at the thought of submitting myself to the mercies of someone who handled a fifteen-pound claymore as though it were a flywhisk.
The narrator expresses a profound sense of betrayal upon realizing that someone they trusted as a friend, protector, and lover has intentions that threaten them. This emotional turmoil highlights the conflict between their past trust and the looming danger posed by this individual's actions. The depth of their feelings underscores a betrayal that cuts to the core of their relationship.
In addition to emotional betrayal, there is a palpable fear for personal safety. The narrator's instinct for self-preservation awakens a deep terror at the prospect of surrendering to someone capable of wielding a powerful weapon with ease. This fear reflects not only a physical danger but also the emotional vulnerability that comes from placing trust in someone who has revealed their true intentions.