I felt very low. I had been unmasked only that morning by Jay Cee herself, and I felt now that all the uncomfortable suspicions I had about myself were coming true. After nineteen years of running after good marks and prizes and grants of one sort and another, I was letting up, slowing down, dropping clean out of race.
The speaker expresses deep feelings of inadequacy and despair after being exposed by Jay Cee. This moment serves as a turning point, making them confront their self-doubts that had lingered for years. They realize that their pursuit of academic success and external validation has brought them little happiness.
As a result, the speaker feels as though they are abandoning their relentless chase for achievement. This sense of surrender highlights a significant emotional struggle, showcasing a conflict between societal expectations and personal fulfillment. The narrative captures the essence of feeling lost and overwhelmed after years of striving for success.
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All the things you can talk about in anyone's work are the things that are least important.
Race of Cain, ascend to heaven, And cast God down upon the earth!
