I googled 'suicide gene' but cancelled the search at the last second. I didn't want to know. Plus, I already knew. People ask: but how does this happen? To think that even with all the security measures we employ these days to keep things out - fences and motion detectors and cameras and sunscreen and vitamins and deadbolts and chains and bike helmets and spinning classes and guards and gates - we can have secret killers lurking inside us? That we can turn on our happy selves the way tumours invade healthy, wholesome organs, the way 'normal' moms suddenly throw their infants off the balcony is... who wants to think about that shit?
by Miriam Toews
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The speaker reflects on the unsettling idea of a "suicide gene" and admits to feeling hesitant about researching it further, as they already understood its implications. They express discomfort with the concept that hidden dangers, like internal biological threats, can exist despite all the security and protective measures humans put in place. The comparison between security devices and unseen internal risks emphasizes the paradox of unseen dangers within the human body. The quote highlights the frightening reality that even healthy, secure individuals can harbor inner threats like suicidal tendencies driven by genetic factors. It questions how seemingly normal and protected people can suddenly act destructively, echoing the disturbing phenomenon of normal mothers harming their children. This unsettling thought underscores a deeper anxiety about hidden vulnerabilities within human nature and biology.

"People ask: but how does this happen? To think that even with all the security measures we employ these days to keep things out - fences and motion detectors and cameras and sunscreen and vitamins and deadbolts and chains and bike helmets and spinning classes and guards and gates - we can have secret killers lurking inside us?"

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May 17, 2025

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