I had a terror of the world. None knew me; all would mistake me. I had seen so many in my life who made themselves glad with scorning, and laughed at another's shame. What could I do? This life seemed to be closing in upon me with a wall of fire-everywhere there was scorching that made me shrink. The high sunlight made me shrink. And I began to think that my despair was the voice of God telling me to die.
The quote reflects a deep sense of isolation and fear experienced by the speaker. They feel misunderstood by the world, believing that others would misinterpret their intentions and emotions. The comparison to those who find joy in belittling others highlights a profound sadness. The speaker feels overwhelmed by a sense of despair, perceiving their surroundings as hostile and confining, akin to being trapped in flames that intensify their emotional suffering.
As the speaker grapples with intense feelings of despair, they begin to interpret these feelings as a divine message urging them towards self-destruction. This struggle suggests a profound internal conflict where light—representative of hope and clarity—only serves to amplify their pain. The imagery of fire and shrinking under sunlight evokes a vivid picture of their mental state, indicating that rather than finding solace, they experience distress in what should be uplifting moments.
