I had imagined a kind, ugly, intuitive man looking up and saying "Ah!" in an encouraging way, as if he could see something I couldn't and then I would find words to tell him how I was so scared, as I were being stuffed farther and farther into a black, airless sack with no way out.Then he would lean back in his chair and match the tips of his fingers together in a little steeple and tell me why I couldn't sleep and why I couldn't read and why I couldn't eat and why everything people did seemed so silly, because they only died in the end. And then, I thought, he would help me, step by step, to be myself again.
The narrator envisions a compassionate yet awkward man who would provide reassurance during a moment of vulnerability. This figure seems to possess an understanding that eludes her, prompting her to express her fears of feeling trapped in a suffocating darkness. The image creates a longing for connection and guidance in dealing with overwhelming emotions.
She imagines him observing her struggles with insomnia, reading, and eating, suggesting that he would reveal the deeper reasons behind her feelings of disconnection. The anticipation is that he would gradually assist her in reclaiming her identity and sense of self, indicating a desire for support amid her psychological turmoil.
