I have to figure out why I worked at a job I hated for years. I have to find out why I can't see what everyone else sees in me. I don't feel beautiful. When I look in the mirror, I never saw beautiful. For this to happen to someone like me, it's devastating, Jonas. I don't want you to think it's vanity, it isn't. I can't see me and I need to be able to do that. I need to find out what I'm like and what I want. I have to be comfortable in my own skin before I can be in a relationship the way you want.
The narrator expresses deep self-reflection, questioning the reasons behind enduring a job they despised for years and grappling with a lack of self-worth. They struggle to see the beauty that others perceive in them and feel that their inability to recognize their own worth is profoundly tragic. This lack of self-image is a significant barrier, affecting their perception of themselves and their potential for relationships.
Ultimately, the narrator understands that in order to be in a healthy relationship, they must first discover who they are and what they truly desire. They emphasize the importance of self-acceptance and comfort in their own skin, indicating that this journey of self-discovery is essential before connecting with someone else on a deeper level.