I loved you. I was a pentapod monster, but I loved you. I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t'aimais, je t'aimais! And there were times when I knew how you felt, and it was hell to know it, my little one. Lolita girl, brave Dolly Schiller.
The quote reflects a deep and complex emotional turmoil experienced by the speaker, who acknowledges their monstrous nature yet expresses profound love. The statement emphasizes a contradiction between their despicable actions and the purity of their feelings, illustrating the struggle between self-awareness and the capacity for affection. It reveals the inner conflict of recognizing one's flaws while still being drawn to another person with powerful emotions.
By directly addressing "Lolita," the speaker conveys a sense of intimacy and yearning. The use of terms like "brave" suggests admiration for her strength amidst the chaos and darkness surrounding their relationship. The overall tone conveys a painful sense of longing and regret, capturing the essence of love entangled with despair. This complexity encapsulates the themes of guilt and desire that permeate Nabokov's work.
