I loved you. I was a pentapod monster, but I loved you. I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t'aimais, je t'aimais!
The quote reflects a deep and conflicting emotional state, where love is intertwined with a sense of grotesqueness and moral failure. The speaker acknowledges their monstrous nature—referred to as a "pentapod monster"—and despite their despicable traits, love persists. This highlights the complexity of human emotions, where affection can exist even in the midst of self-loathing and brutality.
In Nabokov's "Lolita," this turmoil points to the theme of obsession and the struggle between desire and morality. The character's admission of love underscores a tragic irony, as it reveals the contradictions within personal relationships and the struggle to reconcile love with the inflicted pain on others. This encapsulates the essence of forbidden love, marked by both passion and profound harm.
